Delivery Day!

So, it was kind of daunting just waiting to go into labor.  I'd suddenly think to myself "I could go into labor at ANY moment..Maybe NOW....Maybe NOW...".  So yeah, I was driving myself crazy.

I had a feeling my doctor was going to induce me based on what he said at my previous appointment, when I didn't go into labor by my due date.  And all the worrying about when I was going to go into labor probably didn't help my blood pressure...On the 17th, it was the highest it had been.  So, that's when my doctor said, "How do you feel about having a baby tomorrow?"  Uh, sure!  Why not!

So, on Wednesday I knew the next day I would have a baby.  I spent the day doing some last minute laundry and cleaning and tried to rest.  I can honestly say I didn't sleep more then an hour that night.  I was still worried.  I was being induced...I was going to go into labor..FOR REAL!  And yeah, I obsess over things.  I think about things way too much.  I over analyze EVERYTHING.  I've always been that way.  I hate the unexpected.  I hate not knowing what's going to happen.  I hate feeling unprepared.

Thursday morning we grabbed our bags and headed to the hospital.  We got there at 8:30 AM with one of our Pastors from Church there to greet us.  We went up to labor and delivery and was relieved to see another familiar face!  One of the nurses goes to our Church and she had called me the night before to ask if I wanted her to be my nurse...I said "YES!"  It was great knowing I had someone I could trust and who was familiar and so incredibly kind.  She was a great comfort...She stayed the whole time.  It made the day that much more special. I'm slightly embarrassed because she saw the "real me"..The "ugly, raw, me".  The me that no one should ever see!

I got all checked in and they immediately hooked me up to machines to monitor baby's heartbeat and all my vitals.  I have AWFUL veins for trying to get blood or for trying to put in an IV.  So it took a couple nurses and a couple of pokes but they finally got it in.  I was getting pitocin a little after 9.  By about 10-10:30 I could feel the contractions...(When I first got there, and was first hooked up to the monitors Judy-my nurse noticed I was having a contraction and asked me if I could feel it and I couldn't..I thought maybe that was a good sign..Once the pitocin hit, I could definitely feel my contractions!!)  They were definitely getting stronger...They felt short in length but really close together!

By 1 PM I had had enough and asked for drugs..At first I was thinking about just getting some IV pain meds to help take the edge off...But after one really strong contraction, I decided an epidural was the way to go!  So around 2 PM the anesthesiologist came and hooked me up to this amazing drug!  I was nervous about it but it really wasn't that bad...It definitely felt weird but it was much better then feeling the contractions.  They had to put in a catheter since I couldn't walk or get up to use the bathroom. 

For about an hour, hour and a half I was feeling pretty good.  Zero pain, just a little pressure down below.  But that pressure started to get worse..More intense, more uncomfortable.  It felt like I had to pee and have a bowel movement..It was so uncomfortable!  Judy informed me this was a good sign...So she checked me and I was like 8 cm dilated.  A little while later I was 9+.  And by 4:30 PM I was pushing.

So for the most part I wasn't in pain..I was just INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE.  Feeling all that pressure was awful.  Totally awful.  My doctor said whoever did my epidural did a fabulous job...He took away the pain from my contractions but left sensation for me to know when to push.  And boy did I know.

Here I am pushing...And pushing..And pushing...And I'm suddenly realizing why they call it labor.  Up until that point I hadn't really had to do much.  Just wait out the contractions.  Now, the real work began.

I now hate the women who say "Oh I pushed 4 times and she just popped out!".  UGH.

Judy came up with a way that would make pushing a little "easier" and more effective.  She hooked up this bar thing to the bed for me to prop my feet up on and hooked up a sheet for me to pull up on to help me push harder.  I said "easier" earlier because while it did make pushing "easier" it also made it harder.  Now I was working out my legs and my arms.  So now they were tired and hurt too!

The doctor kept coming in to check my progress..Kept saying I was getting there.  Just had to get around this one corner and we'd be home free.  I felt like I was a million miles away from the finish line.  I kept pushing and I wasn't feeling any change..I couldn't feel her moving along.  I was getting frustrated.

I was hot.  Tired.  Uncomfortable.  Tired.

At one point my doctor said that the normal pushing time for someone without an epidural is an hour and with an epidural 2 hours.  I was at an hour and a half so he said in half an hour I should have a baby.

That half an hour came and went.  Still no baby.

He asked me if I was really tired or just discouraged.  I think I said I don't know but really I was discouraged.  I wanted to stop pushing but I couldn't.  I could not ignore that incredibly strong feeling to just PUSH.  So I did.  I just kept pushing.  In between contractions I kept saying "I can't."  But as soon as the next contraction hit I pushed. 


I'm not really sure what happened..I was pushing and I guess Zoe got moved further out and so my doctor says "We're going to deliver a baby in the next 10 minutes with or without my help".  So I thought, okay, 10 minutes I can do that.

I continued to push...It was like the longest 10 minutes of my life..Perhaps it wasn't really 10 minutes, I don't know.

I was beginning to feel like I wasn't ever going to push this baby out.  They kept saying I was almost there but I didn't feel like it.

At one point they had me reach down and feel her head...All I can remember thinking was "Just get it out!"  But I didn't say this out loud!

Finally, I pushed, and before I knew it stuff just gushed out of me!  The doctor said that I had done it and that she was out and I said "Seriously?"  I was so surprised...I really had begun to think she was never going to arrive!

I had a 2nd degree tear which the doctor sewed up..(I hate stitches...The idea of stitches really freaks me out).  I apologized to both Judy and my doctor cause I felt like a complete baby looking back on things...Which of course they both said I was crazy for apologizing.  But I mean really, they saw me at my worst and most vulnerable and I at one point just wanted to give up and I think I kind of expressed that!

So, finally she's here.  They get her cleaned up and weighed and measured and it all seems so surreal.

She was born at 6:59 PM, weighed 7 lbs 13 oz, and was 20 1/4 in long.



I spent the next few hours waiting for the epidural to wear off so I could walk again...I ate some food (I had only had fruit that morning so I was STARVING and thirsty).  Talked to some family.  Held my baby.  And when I regained sensation in my legs I was able to take a shower.  One of the best showers EVER!

Around 10 PM I was taken to my room in mother and baby..Zoe roomed with us (she never left my sight) and my overnight nurse was AMAZING.  So sweet.  She helped me get up and pee..She got me ice packs..She was just fabulous.  I had the BEST nurses anyone could have asked for. 

I didn't get much sleep..I had adrenaline pumping and I was so in awe of my daughter...I watched cable (which we don't have at home) and when Zoe woke up I worked on my breastfeeding. 

That morning a couple Pastors from our Church came to visit..I'm sure I looked horrid, I'm kind of embarrassed they saw me like that!

My doctor also came to visit me...He thought I should stay one more day/night but he said if I was really dying to go home I could that afternoon...I decided to go home that afternoon.  Looking back, that was probably not the right choice.  But I survived.

And now, I'm trying to recover.  I'm not a very patient person.  I hate feeling the way I do.  I want to be back to my normal self and from what I've been told that won't happen for a couple months.  UGH.